


The Sunset

by euphemology



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fallen Castiel, First Kiss, Fluffy Ending, Human Castiel, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Sex Regret, Season/Series 09, Super fluffy ending I swear, hunger, implied drunk sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2013-09-24
Packaged: 2017-12-27 12:25:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphemology/pseuds/euphemology
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel falls, he is overwhelmed by sensation.  He quickly learns that not all sensations are created equal, and he greatly prefers the ones caused by Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sunset

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a way of coping with the recent Season 9 spoilers about Cas' sex life. Enjoy :)  
> Written for Allie

 

When Castiel fell from grace, the first sensation he was aware of was pain and a strange twisted feeling in his abdomen.  He realized later that it was hunger.  He also realized it was nothing like the cravings that Famine had activated.  This wasn’t just in his head or his taste buds.  It was everywhere.  It overwhelmed him and all he could think about was filling the vacant space inside his stomach.  Strangely enough, once he had procured enough money for a 99¢ burger at a fast food joint, burgers did not taste the same as they did when he was an angel.  He was hungry enough that he ate it like it was the best meal in the world… but he did not really enjoy it.  Perhaps he would avoid red meat for a while.  Once his stomach was full, his rational thought returned and he focused on what to do next.  _Dean._   It was an overwhelming sensation that swept through him at the thought of a single man.  He had no idea what to make of it, but all he knew was that even Famine’s cravings could not hold a candle to what he was feeling right now.  He felt this horrible _ache_ , but he could not pinpoint where it was in his body.  It just felt… bad.  Wrong.  Something was wrong.  Dean wasn’t there.  And Cas needed Dean.

 

But Cas couldn’t go to Dean.  He wouldn’t go to Dean.  Not after failing him again.  Cas knew that he was hurting without Dean, but he could not possibly _bear_ to see the disappointment and the anger that would undoubtedly show on Dean’s face at the first sight of Cas.  Because Cas remembered all of Dean’s expressions.  And the ones he saw before he became God, after Purgatory, in the bar right before he fell… He just couldn’t face that pain again.  Not with the giant spectrum of human emotion he was now experiencing full force.  He felt completely lost and impossibly overwhelmed.  So he slept.  Right there on the grass on the side of a lonely road.  When he woke up he felt worse.  And he threw up whatever nourishment he had received from the burger.

 

He was starving and penniless… again.  But he remembered something Dean had taught him about turning tricks.  He walked further into the nondescript town he had landed in and found a bar.  Apparently Cas was actually pretty good at poker.  And apparently the fact that he was clueless about being a human made the betting pool much bigger… until all the men figured out they were being hustled.  Cas folded the large stack of twenties into his back pocket and walked over to the bar.  _Dean drank when he was upset.  Maybe there is some merit in it after all._   He ordered a beer.  The more he drank, the more he thought about Dean.  He started thinking about Dean’s lips, and Dean’s shoulders, and the handprint that he should not have healed.  And Cas felt worse than ever.  He could pinpoint where the ache was now.  It was radiating through his body from his chest.  His heart.  His heart _ached_ for Dean and he had no idea what to do.

 

“Is someone sitting here?”  Cas was startled out of his spiraling thoughts by a woman’s voice next to his ear.

 

“Um, no,” Cas replied, “but I am certain there are other seats available that are not so close in proximity.”

 

“Maybe I want to be in close proximity,” she said with a smile.

 

Cas watched the girl as she took her seat next to him.  She was pretty, objectively, but he did not really want her presence when he was feeling this bad.  She must have noticed because her face suddenly changed.

 

“Oh wow, you look really upset,” she said as she made a move to stand up, “You don’t actually want company then.  Unless you need someone to talk to?”

 

Cas had not thought of that.  He nodded slightly.  The girl sat back down.  They sat quietly for a long time.  He was grateful that she did not prompt him to speak until he was ready.  He finally began to tell her that he lost something very important and he would never be able to get it back.  He likened it to losing a piece of one’s own soul.  Maybe even the entire thing.  He neglected to mention that there was also a loss of a _someone_ , that made it feel like he was missing part of his own _self._   The way the girl responded made it seem like she had taken his words to mean _someone_ anyway.  And she patted his shoulder.  It felt good.  _Comforting_.  And he asked her to do it again.  And again… Until suddenly he found himself awake the next morning, the girl fast asleep and curled up on the other side of the bed they shared.  Cas buried his head in his hands and couldn’t get over how _guilty_ he felt.  The way he had given into human touch so easily.  _How could he have let this happen?_   Dean always said sex was a good thing, but Cas felt _awful_.  And then, _oh god_ , when he thought of Dean his stomach churned with new waves of guilt and he felt his eyes well up with tears.  _I’m sorry_.  Why was he sorry?  _I’m so sorry, Dean.  Want you.  Oh god.  Want **you**._   The tears started streaming down Castiel’s cheeks because _how did he not notice this before?_ He needed Dean because he _loved_ him.  _And now I’ve betrayed him **again.**_   _How can I ever face him again?_   Cas decided he could never face Dean after this.  And Dean was always so uncomfortable with sexuality he would never be able to accept Cas once he knew Cas’ true feelings.  So Cas tried to move on.

 

In true Castiel fashion, he found himself with Dean yet again.  It was an accident, but they ended up on the same hunt, and Dean’s face when he saw Cas made it impossible for Cas to move.  And Dean just threw his arms around him so tightly that Cas could barely breathe.  And he never felt more alive.  Dean didn’t even ask questions.  Cas just poured everything out in front of him, the woman, Metatron, falling, failing…everything.  Dean was silent for what felt like an impossibly long moment.

 

“Let’s go for a drive, huh, Cas?”

 

Cas had nodded and that’s how he found himself in the beautiful Impala with Dean at his side, parked at a cliff where he could see the beginnings of a sunset.  But he didn’t watch the sun.  He couldn’t take his eyes off of Dean.  Dean was saying something to him, but he spoke with pauses and he looked nervous.  Cas was so distracted just _looking_ at the man’s face, so he only caught a few words.  Dean was asking about the girl.  But Cas did not answer at first because he was too busy realizing that, though he missed being able to see Dean’s brilliant soul, he could see Dean’s freckles now.  He could see Dean’s skin, and the soft lines in his brow, and the flutter of his eyelashes.  And he could see Dean’s shining green eyes…and Cas realized he could still see a faint glimmer of Dean’s soul; sparkling in his eyes as small golden flecks.  Cas attempted to let out a sigh of relief, but his breath hitched.

 

“Cas?” Dean’s lips were moving.  It was very distracting.  “Cas! Are you even listening to me?!”

 

That got his attention.

 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas said as he managed to form words again, “I just, this is the first time I’ve really seen your face.  I used to be able to see your soul and it always shone so brightly that I never saw your physical attributes.  I can’t see your soul anymore, but I can see your face.”

 

Cas could not hide his smile as he finished the last sentence.  Dean was too beautiful.  And human.  So stunning that Cas knew no other human would ever compare to _Dean_.

 

“You never… saw my face before this?” Dean asked, “I thought you… I thought you had to rebuild my body after hell?”

 

“I did,” Cas replied, “but it was more of a template that came from your soul.  Your physical body rebuilt itself once I repaired your soul.”

 

Dean just looked at Cas in shock.

 

“Jesus.” Dean gasped, “You rebuilt my soul?”

 

“That is why your body was left marked.”

 

Dean’s hand flew to his shoulder and it made something wonderful stir in Cas’ lower abdomen.

 

“Cas…”  Dean began, licking his lips nervously, “That girl… did you like her?”

 

“What girl?”

 

“ _Jesus_ , Cas.  The girl you _slept_ with.”

 

“Oh. No I did not.” Cas replied immediately.

 

Dean licked his lips again and Cas tried to look elsewhere to quell the desires he was beginning to feel.

 

“Um…so, uh…what didn’t you like about her?”

 

“I don’t think I should answer that, Dean.”

 

“Why not?” Dean almost whined.

 

“Because it would make you uncomfortable,” Cas replied, looking out the window.  The sunset was beautiful.

 

“No it won’t.” Dean whispered.

 

“Yes it will,” Cas replied, not turning around.

 

But Dean grabbed his shoulder and forced Cas to face him again.  And now they were too close.  Way too close.  Cas could feel Dean’s breath on his lips and he could see all the specks of gold in Dean’s eyes, and every freckle, and every tiny scar, and _god_ Cas loved all of it so much he felt like he was burning inside his own skin.

 

“ _Cas”_ Dean whispered, eyes darting to Cas’ lips, “ _did you not like her because she was a girl?”_

 

“No.”  Cas said, suddenly adamant and thinking clearly.  “I didn’t like her because she wasn’t you.”

 

At that, Dean let out a wounded moan and crashed his lips onto Castiel’s.  Cas felt like his whole world opened at that moment and he clung desperately to Dean’s shoulders as they pushed themselves as close together as their anatomy would allow.  Cas felt wetness on his face and he realized Dean was crying, but Cas felt tears stinging his own eyes so he figured this must be what it feels like to kiss the person you love.  It felt…incomprehensible.  In his thousands of years as an angel, he was never prepared for _this_.  He truly _could not comprehend it._   It was so perfect and Dean was perfect and it felt like the world was glowing.

 

And it was.  The last remnants of sun in a sunset.   Always so bright.  And those lights can blind you sometimes.  But they can also bring you home.  Castiel was home.

 

Cas woke up naked for the second time in his life.  But this time he was curled against Dean in the backseat of the Impala.  It was cold, and Dean put a jacket around their shoulders.  And they just looked at each other.  And Cas smiled.


End file.
